she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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