I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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