Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize