I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
