I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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