when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
