And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
