I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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