I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
