i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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