Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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