omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
