My friends, they love my intelligence
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Randomize
