yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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