Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
