he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize