So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
