sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
