Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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