Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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