The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
