I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize