8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
