I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
