Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
