i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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