Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
