You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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