Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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