Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
