dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
