based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
