I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
