Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
