I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize