It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
