It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize