Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
