She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
