So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
