We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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