i can't believe i had my finger in that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
