he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize