He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
