He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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