Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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