already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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