four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
