Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
