I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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