Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
