I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
