The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
