bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
