I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
