So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize