It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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