I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
