Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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