woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
