he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am one with the molecules
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
