That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
