Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
