I heard we made out
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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