I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
