You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
