This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
