grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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