His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
