I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
