tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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