I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
