I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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