I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
