No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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