Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
