he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
