He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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