playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want her autograph on my taint
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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