It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
