wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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