Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
