I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize