So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She said her name was "party"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
