I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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