Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
