I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
