I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
