Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
