I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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