i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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