Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
