i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
