my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
