Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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