yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
