i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
