Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
