Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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