Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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