There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
