I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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