I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
