I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
this is an emotional support booty call
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
